Update... with nice-guy/tough-guy phenomenon theory

I know I'm not that great at keeping up with these blogs, but here's a huge update. Every once in awhile, I would write up just pure thoughts that come from my mind directly to the screen. Sometimes this introduces a lot of spelling mistakes :) but overall they're readable. A friend of mine has fallen in love with some of the stuff I write and occasionally I would email him some stuff such as what I recently wrote below: Have Fun! PS. Read it in stages, it's a bit long :)

Nice-Guy/Though-Guy Phenomenon

Hi,

The way I see it, a nice guy is also someone who does not admit to being a nice guy since admitting that you're a nice guy, well that goes against what a nice guy is. When someone says they're a nice guy, they're trying to differentiate themselves from other guys and in a direct or indirect way try to bring the appeal from a woman back to them. From my point of view, it is not a nice guy's role to try and make someone like them or to attract them with things that they probably wouldnt say on a normal day. Instead, a nice guy should just be himself and be who he things he should be and do what he things is right within him and for that the woman should be attracted to and if not by natural choice, then no choice at all. In other words, a nice guy should be found, not a nice guy going out and finding... if that makes sense.

And as far as why women fall for the "tough" guys, I have a theory on that :) Like the average person, we all like challenges and at some point or another we also rebel against our parents either in ideology or on the rules they impose on us... and on top of that there's also the sense of excitement and the roller coaster of emotions that brings on surges of passion.

Let me start with challenges first... A nice guy wouldn't be a challenge to get to know, like, and date because usually they dont play hard to get. They may be shy or have low confidence when it comes to a woman actually liking them, but they will not deliberately play hard to get. On the other hand, a tough guy might ,so a girl sees it as a challenge. It's also a challenge because of the attention tough guys draw, it all falls under the popularity spell and a woman might be thinking, "Wow, so many girls like this guy, imagine if I would be the one he chooses or the one that ends up dating him" So it becomes more about the challenge and less about the actual compatibility or who the guy is.

Now about the parental/society tension. Everyone knows that during the teenage years there's the development part where a guy/girl becomes their own person and their ideas become more of their own instead of their environment and their parents. A lot of people see it fit that sometimes they must just develop ideologies that are different and sometimes opposite from their parents/community just to prove that they're their own person and independent thoughts but in irony, they're conforming to the ideology that they must do that. So of course most parents would want their children to meet nice people, someone who would be good for them in the long term and be a positive influence and have all these good qualities with a limit on "fun" of course. So to rebel and go against that, the children go off and find the total opposite... although once women do go through this phase, it's kind of ironic how they end up marrying someone who resembles in character their fathers; of course this is a whole other topic because it has it's own discrempancies and exceptions.

And finally the roller coaster of emotions... A nice guy will be just that, a nice guy and try and make every day the best day that it could be. He will be the same to you as he was the very first day because that's his nature. On the other hand with a tough guy, well there's ups and downs and of course a tough guy attempts to make up for his lack of likeable characteristics with a really great personality the first few days and sometimes weeks and rarely months, but afterwards the relationship goes sour because the gig is up and you can only be somebody who you're not for so long. But the development of a relationship causes a feeling of needing to work on the relationship and keep it alive although it's already diminishing. This causes a back and forth of good and bad days, good and bad weeks, and even you're occasional "we need a break". This causes a huge fluctuation in emotions between sad and happy that the surge that is experienced after a sad period seems to be much greater exponentially than what it really is because you experience it in a greater contrast to the day before. For example, let's say happiness and sadness had a scale of 1-10. In a nice guy relationship, that happiness would be at a nominal 7-9 and stay between 7 and 9. In a tough guy relationship, that would start out around 6 or 7, then fall down to about a 1 then back up to a 5, then down to a 2, then up to a 6 and on and on. In the nice guy relationship, the difference would never be more than 1-3 points, but in the tough guy relationship, sometimes the difference from one point to another could be as high as 5... which is a huge jump, and it is that jump that women tend to at-first be attracted to and form a connection to that rush... but keep in mind, their overall happiness is just not as high as what they would have experienced with the nice-guy. I'm not saying this is a phase, because some women prefer the rush... it is more about the woman finding this out and finding out what she really wants that makes the difference with age and why it seems the tide turns after awhile.

Anyhow, I'm surprised I've written so much but I've developed the habit of analyzing relationships and forming theories and describing behaviors. I have several other theories and thoughts, but that's another book :)

Hope you made it this far.

Take care.

~ Jorge L. Ramirez, business and communication major at Trinity.